By : Allen Spence
What is Parenting Coordination you ask? Even though it is tempting to give a quick definition based upon the Florida legislative vision of what it's supposed to become, the vitriol which some writers have heaped on there requires a more in-depth answer.
After i returned to law school within my early forties, I was not going to law school because I didn't have anything to do at home. At that time, law school was one of the most highly competitive schools a young person could attempt and, it had been a virtually impossible task for a change of lifer with a family, and a full group of grown up responsibilities. I went to law school to study Constitutional and Environmental law. I ended up practicing family, administrative and criminal law.
Family court is an interesting spot to practice law. It is the place where the most important people in our lives, the very fabric of who we are, are affected by every decision, every action, and every failure to act. Kindness to your ex can be used against you and a contract to modify the schedule for a special occasion can become a demand to change it whenever and wherever it is demanded. It is a place where grandparents may become the enemy, and significant others give world wars an inferiority complex.
Parenting coordination in Florida was proposed several years before its eventual enactment. It had been went by the legislature, but vetoed at that time Governor Jeb Bush. He believed the original concept granted too many powers to the parenting coordinator and never enough court supervision. The idea was modified many times, and there were many reports and committees working together to try to find the best balance for the parents, the children, the courts and also the overall family structure while still protecting vital individual rights. It was signed into law by Governor Charlie Christ in '09 and adopted through the Florida Supreme Court this year.
Florida Statutes: 61.125 states: "The reason for parenting coordination is to give a child-focused alternative dispute resolution process whereby a parenting coordinator assists the mother and father in creating or implementing a parenting plan by facilitating the resolution of disputes between the parents by giving education, making recommendations, and, using the prior approval from the parents and also the court, making limited decisions inside the scope of the court's order of referral." The statute clarifies that high is a judgment or order where a parenting plan continues to be established, that the parents can request, or the court can appoint, a parenting coordinator to help the parents in resolving disputes concerning that parenting plan.
Okay...in English. When the court orders or adopts a parenting plan, and the parents can not seem to work together to carry out that plan, the court can appoint a parenting coordinator to assist them to. The court provides the parenting coordinator the authority to use a variety of resources to help the parents. The key words here are "court orders or adopts a parenting plan."
Parenting is a very hard job. Probably among the most difficult things we do in our lives. When there are two people working together to raise children, we must face the challenges with a united front, or otherwise try. What happens whenever we can't do that? What happens when we choose to split up and then try to raise the children together...apart? What goes on to the grandparents? Who takes the kids to school? Who goes home from work once the kids get sick? What happens when we meet someone else and they become involved with the children?
All of these questions can lead to tension and stress even in the most amicable breakup. No one starts off believing that they will fight for 18 years over each child. But, sadly, it happens. It happens to good people who mean well, and who are trying to do the best they can, looking after the children they love. It will happen people who have been ordered by a court to do things using their children they don't want to do.
For years, the court system has tried to use parents to fashion solutions which are in the best interest of the children. A legal court does the best it can with the information it is given. Unfortunately, that information is limited by time, the quality and/or existence of attorneys, and also the individual sitting on the bench. In the last 30 years mediation has gone far to assist parents and also the courts in reaching more personalized solutions for individual families. For almost all parents that system works.
There are the parents who cannot work together. People who go back to court again and again and again with disputes about the children, the new significant other, the grandparents, the choice of day care, when to take vacations, and hundreds of other conditions that come up every day. That is where parenting coordination is available in.
Parenting coordination is really a child-centered approach, and that means dealing with the parents to break the patterns, find solutions, and then try to enhance communication between a couple in a child-centered focus. Modern day courts are not equipped to quickly resolve issues that show up, and so the battles continue, sometimes for months, and the children and parents get captured in a pattern that just keeps repeating. Keep in mind that while all of the fighting is happening, there is a court order. It's not a court "suggestion" which can create new problems for parents and the children.
In Florida, parenting coordinators should be trained in psychology, psychiatry or law.* They must be familiar with family dynamics in a family court setting including domestic violence, child abuse issues, plus they must be trained in family mediation. They must be able to work with families from all backgrounds.They must have thick skins plus they must be willing to creatively use all the various tools given to them through the courts and the legislature to help parents find methods, ideas and programs that put the children's needs first. They must be able to use their experience and knowledge of the system, the family court process and real issues dealing with intensely personal circumstances confronting children and parents. They ought to be able to think outside the box of traditional remedies that are not going to work for a particular set of people.
Parenting coordination is not for everyone. First, a court must make a determination that the parents can afford it. Contrary to some articles written about them, the rates are often set through the court and it is the court, not the mother and father, who decide how to divide the costs. Parenting coordination can last for weeks, months or years depending upon the parent's ability to comply with the court's orders. A legal court can periodically review the process and the parties always have access to their attorney. Traditional court remedies are available to parents, and to the parenting coordinator, and a judge retains authority over the case at all times. A order from the court determines what the parenting coordinator can do, and not do, and the legislature offers set strict standards that must be followed. Confidentiality is strictly enforced except for certain situations set out in the statute.
Parenting coordination is usually ordered by the court after several disputes, and lots of appearances, that result in further disputes Parents may also proactively request a parenting coordinator to help them if the conflict in the relationship becomes too hard, or if they find themselves returning to court often for issues they simply cannot appear to resolve on their own.
Parenting coordination is a process. It is not a mediation, where you go once or twice, sign an agreement and move forward - but mediation is a tool you can use. It is not subject to arbitration just because a real judge has now heard the issues, several times, and issued a purchase - although arbitration techniques are tools that can be used. It is not facilitation - although many supporting people such as doctors, extended family and counselors, could be brought in to brainstorm and develop personalized solutions. It is not psychology - although an awareness of psychology and family dynamics is really a critical bit of the puzzle. It's not law - however, the parenting coordinator should have a working knowledge of law and procedure to help the participants comply with the court's order, or direct these to seek counsel when necessary. Parenting coordinators might not act as judges, or lawyers, or psychologists, or therapists but they should be able to see the entire picture from these perspectives. While doing all this, they must remain neutral and be willing to do something essential for the children, the courts and the parents to move the process along effectively.
It's not a program for the average person or for the rookie. The legislature and the courts have set out stringent, detailed requirements and codes of professional conduct and they are strictly enforced for the protection of fogeys, and parenting coordinators.
Parenting coordination could be intensely rewarding for all concerned. There is no greater result than finding a path leading to everyone being able to work together toward successfully raising children, and providing those children loving relationships with both parents whenever we can.
One caveat for those looking over this article. There has been a great deal of criticism leveled regarding parenting coordination efforts and domestic violence. Domestic violence comes in many forms. It isn't usually obvious, or physical, which is not something to take lightly. Parenting coordinators receive training in domestic violence, and for the most part, where household violence is a significant factor in the connection, parenting coordination is not recommended. For a domestic violence case to become recommended to some parenting coordinator the courts are required to make specific findings, and acquire informed consent all parties. You will see other articles on this site dealing with domestic violence, however it should be noted that courts cannot, under most circumstances, refer a case if domestic violence is ongoing.
